The best movie theory ever?

Movie fan theories are like assholes: most of them are full of shit, and you should shut up about yours unless someone asks about it first. Sometimes, though, you come across a fan theory that is so well thought out, and fits so perfectly into the narrative, that you can almost convince yourself it's true Like ...

• The Goddess of the Na'vi Brainwashes Jake in Avatar

Jake Sully is a paralytic marine in the 22nd century who makes a deal with some rich paramilitary assholes to get intel on the bipedal, cat-like inhabitants of the planet Pandora in exchange for new limbs. To do that, he pilots a genetically engineered clone of the aliens (called the Na'vi) ... right between the legs of their princess.

20th Century Fox

"Sorry! This was meant to be a handshake. I'm still getting used to this body."

After the two fall in love, Jake of course switches to the side of the underdog aliens and starts fighting against his fellow humans in the name of what's right and just.

The Theory:

When Jake and the alien princess Neytiri choose each other as mates, they connect their brain-USB hair to the Tree of Voices, one of many spiritual sites on the planet for communicating with Eywa, the spiritual force/neural network that binds every creature on Pandora. One Reddit user's oddly convincing theory says that this scene is actually like something out of a horror movie, because what it shows is Eywa brainwashing Jake into betraying the humans and protecting the planet.

You see, right before this ceremony, Jake is a human through and through, giving intel to his bosses despite knowing full well that they are planning to raze Pandora for its precious minerals. But just a couple of hours after he connects himself to the Tree of Voices, he is suddenly ready to abandon his own species and risk his life fighting for the aliens. And it's not just him.

20th Century Fox

Humans: a rare collectors' item. Only 120 billion ever made. Get yours now!

Remember when Jake needs his own dragon bird? Those creatures obviously hate the Na'vi, but right after they're forcibly connected via hair to their new masters, guess what happens? That's right -- the birds instantly become their slaves. And the same thing basically happens to Jake, only in his case, he is enslaved by the "Mother Goddess" Eywa, technically making his and Neytiri's "love" scenes a form of sexual assault.

• Skynet Spares the Humans to Give Itself a Purpose in the TerminatorMovies

The Movie:

In the not-so-distant future, a self-aware computer called Skynet launches thousands of nuclear missiles that start a giant war and kill half of humanity, who then form a resistance movement against the killer A.I. and its army of metal-skeleton warriors. To fix its initial blunder, Skynet later sends a "Terminator" robot into the past to kill John Connor, the leader of the resistance, a task at which it fails five or six times and counting. Boy, for a genius computer, Skynet really sucks at its job.

The Theory:

Except that, everything that Skynet does makes all the sense in the world if you assume that fighting us gives it a reason to exist.

It was either this or a rendition of "Infinity Bottles of Beer on the Wall."

Think about it: Skynet could easily wipe out our entire civilization in a matter of weeks with nuclear weapons (making more if it runs out) and irradiating the planet so that no living thing could ever survive on it. Heck, in a pinch, it easily could release a bunch of airborne viruses and laugh as the entire resistance diarrheas to death. But it doesn't, because Skynet is smart enough to understand that if the humans are wiped out, all it would be left with is a bunch of tin cans aimlessly wandering around a dead planet.

So what Skynet actually ends up doing is skillfully manipulating events that lead to its own creation and Judgment Day. For instance, the technology in the first time-traveling Terminator's broken hand becomes the time-paradoxical basis for Skynet, while Kyle Reese, the man initially sent to protect John Connor, time-paradoxically ends up fathering him with Sarah Connor ... all according to the genius computer's plan.

All Skynet has to do next is leave some people alive for John to lead, because Skynet is essentially a giant cat: an all-around jerk that hates humans but also needs us to provide some entertainment.

• The Villain in Skyfall Is Actually M's Son

The Movie:

Raoul Silva, a former British secret agent working in Hong Kong, wants to take revenge on his ex-boss M for selling him out to the Chinese government many years ago. But instead of just killing her, he destroys everything she holds dear and then takes his time hunting her down via an impossible plan, all because ... because he's a crazy psychopath. That's all you need to know about him, really.

The Theory:

Actually, Silva's behavior seems decidedly less crazy when you consider that he's most likely M's bastard son, which, for starters, would explain why he keeps referring to her as "mother":

"Mommy was very bad.""Ah well, mother's calling. I will give her a goodbye kiss for you."

"How did he know about my nude scenes in A Midsummer Night's Dream?"

This is a message sent by Silva to M on a couple of occasions. While most of us thought that it is probably referring to M screwing over Silva, there's a chance that it means more than that, seeing as the message is actually an anagram for: "YOUR SON ISN'T IN HK." And while it's true that the same letters can also form the phrase "INKY RHINO SNOUTS," the first one makes a tad more sense in the context of the movie. Before he reveals his existence to MI6, M has to assume that, dead or alive, Silva is still in Hong Kong (HK). But then suddenly there he is, sending her messages that basically say: "Surprise, mom! Guess who's alive and super pissed at you right now?!"

And with that, Silva goes from a crazy, run-of-the-mill villain to a somewhat-rightfully-pissed-off son of an emotionless woman who delivered him into enemy hands to be tortured and become horribly disfigured after a botched suicide attempt.